Do Americans Even Know How To Rest?

Written By Stacy Carleton

Cross-stitch is one of my family traditions.

I remember my mom, and her mom, working on cross-stitch projects most nights while we watched TV together. They both taught me this analog art as a kid, and after a 20-year hiatus, I picked it up again when I was recovering from severe illness a couple years ago.

Plugging away on small projects, I developed a new admiration for the perseverance and diligence it takes to complete a large piece, like the framed samplers that lined the walls of my grandparents’ and parents’ houses. 

My older sister just inherited one of these samplers from my mom and texted me a photo of it yesterday:

When I saw it, I was immediately transported back to the Southern kitchen of my childhood. I used to gaze at this sampler every day, practically memorizing each square that makes up this particular (white/Protestant/settler colonialist) vision of “America.”

This heartland alphabet is full of predictable symbols: apple pie, a barn, a church, the Constitution, ubiquitous stars and stripes. 

But one did surprise me–Rest.

There it is, nestled right in between Q for quilt and S for school. 

Rest as American as apple pie?

Rest as an American value?

Really?

Most Americans in my life don’t rest much, or if they do, they don’t talk about it. When asked how we are, our stock answers tend to be “Busy” or “Tired.”

We wouldn’t know what to do if someone described themselves as “well rested.” Is it even possible to imagine? 

As I’ve recovered from illness, continued my rest journey, and been exploring rest more deeply with others, I’ve found that most of us feel we don’t have enough time or opportunity to rest.

We don’t have the permission or right to rest. We are living in a ruthless capitalist system of scarcity and exploitation that tells us we better hustle for worthiness at all times, or we won’t make it.

We see rest as an indulgence, a privilege, or even a dirty secret.

I think most of us can relate to this passage from Tricia Hersey’s latest book, We Will Rest! The Art of Escape:

Are you also exhausted? Are you waiting for permission to slow down? Are you waiting to save up enough money and time off from work to fly away to an expensive retreat in another land? Are you waiting for the powers that be to create policies that are drenched with care and room for you to get off the grind? Are you feeling guilt and shame when you rest? Are you hoping for deliverance from pushing through at all costs? Are you waiting for permission?

If you are waiting for permission, listen closely: You are enough right now and you must rest not to gain more power or to produce more but because it is your Divine right to rest. Go lay down or close your eyes and daydream right after reading this.

So how did we get here today, when so many of us can’t even imagine what rest would look like in our lives?

In the last few decades since my mom stitched “Rest” into this celebration of American iconography, we’ve been ever more aggressively sold the lie that if we dare to commit the subversive act of resting at all, it must be mediated and legitimized by capitalism: rest is an expensive candle, a mani-pedi, a spa day, or an all-inclusive retreat. 

Rest can be those things, if they truly feel good to you, but they aren’t the only thing. Rest does not require you to spend money or isolate yourself. Resting can (and some would say should!) even be done and explored more deeply in community.

If these questions intrigue you, if you long to share your rest story and to understand why and how we all forgot to rest, and if you want to continue to be inspired by the wisdom of Tricia Hersey and others, I invite you to join me for my December rest sessions:

As always, please contact me with any questions, suggestions, or ideas.

I hope to connect with you soon!

When we rest together, we heal and we thrive,

Stacy

Stacy Carleton
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