You Don’t Have to Perform Wellness
My body started doing weird things in the fall of 2021.
When I lay down, I felt like I was floating on a raft in choppy water. If I turned my head in the opposite direction, it took me a moment to get my bearings again. I often woke up with a throbbing sensation in my skull, like my brain was expanding and contracting to the pulse of a metronome. I would surrender to the floor in the middle of the day, my body overcome with frightening fatigue. I struggled to read simple children’s books with my kids, doubting the accuracy of the words I saw on the page.
In the years leading up to this, I was riding the waves of my early 40s, new parenthood, quarantine life with a toddler and preschooler, devastating wildfires, house renovations, and continuous strife, both on TV and on the streets outside my home in Portland.
Why I Had To Get Off My Phone
I walk my kids to school most mornings—rain or shine, frost or fog.
The trip is about a mile long, which usually takes us 15-20 minutes (depending on how late we leave the house).
It’s a time when my kids share their worries or excitement about the day ahead.
It’s a time when we greet neighbors walking their dogs or other school families making the morning trek.
And it’s become a sacred time of noticing, something my kids do without even thinking about it.
Make Rest a Social Norm (Again)
Those of us who have lived through chronic (and often invisible) illness know its challenges all too well.
Pain shows up in endlessly creative ways.
Fatigue hangs on the body like a weighted blanket.
Anxiety incessantly asks how long all this is going to last.
Depression takes root, fertilized by the monotony and sense of missing out on life.
And then there’s the loneliness.
While pain, fatigue, and the many other symptoms I experienced were debilitating, sometimes loneliness was the hardest one.
What Is the Hurry About?
The new 2025 calendar in our house has prompted a lot of conversations about time.
My kids have been asking:
Why is it a new year now?
Will I still be in the same grade when I go back to school after winter break?
This has led to more wondering, about leap years, and why February is the shortest month, and why some months have 31 days and others only 30.
Our measurements of time can feel so strange and arbitrary.
Do Americans Even Know How To Rest?
Cross-stitch is one of my family traditions.
I remember my mom, and her mom, working on cross-stitch projects most nights while we watched TV together. They both taught me this analog art as a kid, and after a 20-year hiatus, I picked it up again when I was recovering from severe illness a couple years ago.
Plugging away on small projects, I developed a new admiration for the perseverance and diligence it takes to complete a large piece, like the framed samplers that lined the walls of my grandparents’ and parents’ houses.
My older sister just inherited one of these samplers from my mom and texted me a photo of it yesterday.
Satisfaction and Joy? Yes, Even Now.
I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a need to brainwash myself with hope and wisdom right now.
Between the rainy weather, darker days, and our charged sociopolitical landscape, I feel like I’ve been struck by a giant wave of grief and terror. Slammed facedown onto the shore. Disoriented and confused, I wipe the sand from my eyes, searching for the horizon. Reaching out for a strong hand to hold. Listening for a comforting voice.
Less Push. More Breath.
The energy out there is tense, my friends.
Are you feeling it?
I’m feeling it.
It’s in the daily texts begging for just ONE MORE donation to a campaign fund.
It’s in the pleas to join ONE MORE phone bank or volunteer event. It’s in the inflammatory and fear-mongering headlines, sound bites, and clickbait. It’s in too many conversations devolving into political predictions, analysis, and debate.