Make Rest a Social Norm (Again)

Written By Stacy Carleton

Those of us who have lived through chronic (and often invisible) illness know its challenges all too well.

Pain shows up in endlessly creative ways. 

Fatigue hangs on the body like a weighted blanket. 

Anxiety incessantly asks how long all this is going to last. 

Depression takes root, fertilized by the monotony and sense of missing out on life.

And then there’s the loneliness. 

While pain, fatigue, and the many other symptoms I experienced were debilitating, sometimes loneliness was the hardest one.

On days when I was too tired to leave the house, I would often gaze out our front window, watching the world in motion: neighbors coming and going from their houses, delivery trucks dropping off packages, and runners powering up our hill.

Everyone I knew was working, busy, on the move and on the clock.

My depleted body and mind needed rest to recover, but I believed there was no one I could do it with.

So, I would rest alone. Sometimes I would call a friend, if I could find one who had a break in the day to talk. Often I would listen to guided meditations just for the comfort of a human voice. 

But most of the time I was alone in the quiet of our empty house. And in that solitude and stillness, I could see and feel the pulsing busyness of our culture more clearly than ever before.

When you don’t have the energy to even get off the couch, the speed at which the rest of the world is moving feels dizzying and incomprehensible. 

My deepening awareness of the contrast between me and this world led to more anxiety, and sometimes even panic, which made it even harder to rest. 

I felt like the only person in the world who was resting. (Or trying to.)

I felt like something was wrong with me because I needed to rest.

It got me to ask lots of questions:

Why are we all trying to move so fast?

What happens when we slow down?

When we are forced to slow down?

Why am I so bad at resting, and why is it so hard to rest alone?

Is it possible to do all this a different way?

What might happen if we acknowledged and met our need for rest, together?

Collectively acknowledging and meeting our need for rest is not new, of course. It’s what many humans used to practice, and some still practice, through recognition of the Sabbath.

A friend led me to Judith Shulevitz discussing the concept of Sabbath on Ezra Klein’s podcast:

“[One] way of thinking of the rules [of the Sabbath] is as a giant mutual noncompete clause or a solution to the problem of collective action. So let’s take it in the modern world. If I run a store and everyone else is going to keep their store open on Saturday or on Sunday, it’s very hard for me to shut my store down. I’m not going to be able to compete. I’m going to lose business to someone else.

But if everyone’s shutting their store down, then I’m cool. I’m good. I can just go do my thing, whatever it is. Go to church, or stay home with my stack of books, or just hang out with my family, whatever it is. 

…If there isn’t time set aside for everyone to stop working, everyone in your family, everyone in your friend group, everyone on your block — so this is positing this fantasy of a society that is totally homogeneous — but if there isn’t a general atmosphere of stopping, then there won’t be a feeling of repose…There will be a loneliness and you’re looking around and everyone else is running around.

So it is the social structure of time. So when I talk about the Sabbath, I say it’s not just non-work or non-productivity. It’s absolutely collective non-work and non-productivity because I simply cannot stress this enough. If it’s not happening collectively, it’s not going to happen.

…I can’t [rest] until I become part of a community that does it, that makes rest something pleasurable, that makes it festive. 

…You just can’t [rest] by yourself. Like I said, in part, it’s like a mutual noncompete clause. So if other people are running around you being crazy, there’s nothing restful about that.

You need the atmosphere of repose.” 

Judith Shulevitz helped me understand why I couldn’t rest by myself while the world seemed to be buzzing around me nonstop.

After lots and lots (and lots) of practice, I am slowly getting better at resting on my own, knowing that much of the world is not resting, but also that more of the world might be resting than I think.

And today, I intentionally practice a version of sabbath with others.

I have learned that sabbath is not just about what we are choosing to avoid, like work, but what we are inviting in. 

What connections are we making? 

What awareness are we bringing to our loved ones, to nature? 

What creative projects are we engaged in? 

What are we trying out, just for fun?

What are we doing when there are no demands on our being, that reminds us we are not machines but divine, animal bodies?

In the times we are living through now, I also remember that humans have practiced sabbath and rest throughout the ages and throughout all conditions. Choosing to rest in times of ongoing uncertainty and strife helps us meet the challenges that keep coming.

We are living the future we are trying to create. If that future is restful and joyful, we must practice that now.

I can’t reclaim our right to rest alone. Will you please join me?

If you feel you are “bad” at rest, don’t know how to do it, or aren’t allowed to do it alone, I invite you to join my community rest groups where we experiment with stillness, movement, song, music, reading, reflecting, creative expression, sharing, and guided deep rest. 

Where we experiment with the atmosphere of repose.

UPCOMING SESSIONS:

As always, please contact me with any questions, suggestions, or ideas.

I hope to connect with you soon!

When we rest together, we heal and we thrive,

Stacy

Stacy Carleton
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What Is the Hurry About?