You Don’t Have to Perform Wellness

My body started doing weird things in the fall of 2021.

When I lay down, I felt like I was floating on a raft in choppy water. If I turned my head in the opposite direction, it took me a moment to get my bearings again. I often woke up with a throbbing sensation in my skull, like my brain was expanding and contracting to the pulse of a metronome. I would surrender to the floor in the middle of the day, my body overcome with frightening fatigue. I struggled to read simple children’s books with my kids, doubting the accuracy of the words I saw on the page.

In the years leading up to this, I was riding the waves of my early 40s, new parenthood, quarantine life with a toddler and preschooler, devastating wildfires, house renovations, and continuous strife, both on TV and on the streets outside my home in Portland.